Weekend Revel: Thrifting

Hope y'all had a great weekend--mine was BUSY!

Friday night was Mom's Night Out--I wish I could tell you that I hung out with moms, but actually I WENT TO THE MALL ALONE and did some speed-shopping. Most disturbing sight of the night was a t-shirt at Wet Seal.

Ice cream sundae pictured, with a smiling cherry and the words "I prefer to be on top!" gleefully scrawled across the shirt.

I was so disturbed I turned on my heel and left the store, instantly calling my best friend to share in the agony.

Oh my God, my poor little Kiddokabiddo, PLEASE tell me the hypersexualization of children will be done by the time you're old enough to pick your own clothing.

Saturday morning, well, that was MOM'S MORNING OUT! (I know, can you believe it? Vee gave me both an evening out and a MORNING OUT! It was Dad/Daughter time while I was gone)

I did something I've been meaning to do for months now: THRIFT STORE SHOPPING!

I got the Kiddo nursed, grabbed a to-go mug of coffee, and got in the little 'Rage, packing some non-Vee-friendly tunes. First stop was a Salvation Army I'd never been to. It was 10:45am, a little chilly and rainy, and when I saw that housewares were 50% off, there was no way I couldn't bring home this beauty (marked for only $2.99!):


Isn't it great? The dude is cooking indoors, which you can only tell by the awkwardly placed shelf of beer steins over his shoulder, and the weird location of the ping-pong table. You know, so you can flip some meat over to the kiddies during the game. The guy's face is actually very weirdly feminized, and combined with his "dress"/apron and the UPSIDE-DOWN PINK TRIANGLE tossed on the apron, you have to wonder what the designer of this image was trying to connote.

I went up and naturally couldn't resist the kids' book section, where I found this marvel:


IT'S ABOUT A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL OBSESSED WITH ASTROLOGY, which is basically A BOOK ABOUT 14 YEAR OLD ME, with the exception that she's a Leo and thinks Leo is the best sign (DUH, imbeciles, Cancer is DEFINITELY cooler than Leo. You missed out on that one by about a month, honey).

The kids' books were $0.59, so combined with my 50%-off platter, I queued up at the register, ready to fork over my $2.09.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

I guess I forgot to mention that I was wearing a dress purchased on Mom's Night Out at Forever 21, combined with a pair of skinny jeans. Did I look like I needed a discount? DID I LOOK LIKE I WAS BUYING A CHILDREN'S BOOK? (one of my HUGEST PET PEEVES EVER about thrifting; one I have never gotten used to. JUST BECAUSE I AM NOT 14 DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE BOOK I AM BUYING WAS OUT OF THE ADULTS SECTION! IT IS A CHILD'S BOOK; CHARGE ME THE CHILD'S BOOK PRICE!)

The cashier gave me that "Ugh, YOU LITTLE HIPSTER FRAUD, coming in here and stealing merchandise that you KNOW should be worth more; you're lucky I'm even letting you BUY this" glare and charged me $4.98; NO HALF-OFF DISCOUNT for the houseware and $0.99 for the book (ADULT BOOK PRICE).

I didn't have the strength to argue with her, so I just sighed and gave her a five. And hoped the thrift karma would come back to me.

Over the next two hours, I spun through five more thrift shops and one antiques store, coming away with the following treasures...

Gleaned from St. Vincent de Paul (for a TOTAL of $0.53):

and

bought solely for the title, yet the storyline sounds AMAZING!


ONLY BECAUSE JANET IS NO FEMINIST, she is permitted to join the Harvard English department!

At my favorite old-lady thrift shop, I got the following for $2.60 (the card was $0.10, the book was on half-off sale [a SALE THEY ACTUALLY LET ME HAVE] for $2.50:


GOOD NIGHT! What is this card SAYING? So she is ignoring her kids in order to achieve in the working world, but then SHE WON'T UNTIE THEM FROM HER APRON STRINGS? I don't UNDERSTAND!


This is a beautiful first edition from 1909--and the story sounds AWESOME!!! I can't wait to read it!

Three FAILURES later (a dumb Assistance thrift shop where all these uncool 60-something bitches dumped off their unfashionable 80s workwear and think it's still worth money, a frightening Methodist thrift shop with a homeless dude asking the old lady clerk to let him know when something arrives; when she said "Why don't you give us a call later in the week?" he said, "I ain't got no phone!" in a very offended tone, and a pointless 2nd St Vincent de Paul which yielded nothing at all), I decided to go to this antiques store that I was interested in.

WHICH FOUND ME THIS GUY FOR $0.25!

What's really cool about it? Check out the "background map" up close:

THAT'S MY HIGH SCHOOL 'HOOD, Y'ALL! TURKEY RUN! The Haute is approximately the bottom left corner of that U!

I would say my thrift karma got paid back.