Waiting Over Here For Life to Begin

I just poured myself a cup of coffee and I am sitting at the computer sniffing it like a maniac. I'm not going to drink it, of course--are you kidding? The raspberry pie I made last night gives me heartburn; I'm not ready for my cup of acid yet. Not while my stomach is squished up under my rib cage thanks to my expanded uterus. Dude, I have problems with acid reflux when I'm not pregnant. Def not about to do it now.

But I'm still sitting here, reenacting Easter 2007 when I gave up coffee for Lent and would pacify myself by MAKING A POT OF COFFEE and pouring a cup and SNIFF-DRINKING IT. I think there's a lot to be said for the smell of coffee more than the physical jolt. I missed holding a warm cup of coffee smell and I miss it still.

What do I look forward to more, drinking a glass of wine, or drinking a cup of coffee? Probably the wine, since the coffee will be more of a necessity once we've got two little girls in the house, needing diapers changed at 5am and not napping until noon-thirty.

Kiddo is setting up her stuffed puppy Violet at her little table and unloading her grocery cart, serving Violet wooden pizza, a carrot, half a lemon, and a cucumber. I am checking the public library website to see if there is a story time this morning. And most of all, I am paused in a period of waiting like I have never been before: never had to wait and anticipate, EVERY DAY, whether or not Newbie's ready to meet me today.

More Pregnant Than I Have Ever Been

And yes, I am only 36 weeks along today.

Kiddo was born when I was 35 weeks and 6 days pregnant, and while Vee and I still marvel over how FEW health complications she had (lungs were completely developed, no heart problems, etc), with the exception of baby jaundice, I am grateful that I am more pregnant than I have ever been with Newbie.

It's nice to have that fear off the table. Every day, she grows a little more (AND I GROW A LITTLE MORE. GOOD NIGHT. I thought this POUND A WEEK crap was supposed to stop back in the second trimester. Why have I gained 3 pounds in 5 days?) and gets a little more ready to meet us. I still want another week out of her, and then she's on her own timetable. Who am I kidding? She's always on her own timetable. Kiddo was on her own timetable.

Anyway. Every time I go to the bathroom, I expect to see my mucous plug (THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID MUCOUS PLUG). And every time I get constipated (THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID CONSTIPATED), I think it's the beginning of contractions. I am on such HIGH ALERT for labor to begin that I really need to keep myself occupied with other things.

Yet! Since Kiddo came so early, I started "preparing" for Newbie to arrive this early. Hey, when Kiddo showed up, we had like ZERO things done. No dresser, no crib, no co-sleeper set up, hadn't washed her baby clothes, LIKE NOTHING. Newbie, on the other hand, not only has all of these things completed, but I'VE GOT MY HOSPITAL BAG PACKED. There is NOTHING LEFT FOR ME TO DO.

Anyone have any ideas?

It's the Final Countdown

I'm out of Macro-Hell, and into the final weeks wait for little bambina #2. Which is oddly like Macro-Hell because I have slid back into first-trimester-style nausea in the mornings and before going to bed. I checked with one of the midwives and she said, "Yeah, that will happen sometimes when you got nauseous in your first trimester--it comes back in the third." Raw deal!

I'm in week 35, which was the week that Kiddo was born. I genuinely hope that Newbie does not decide to show up this week, or really next week either, but I can guaran-damn-tee you that if she happens to shoot out those hormones to activate labor ON JUNE 29 (the day I turn 37 weeks), I will not complain.

Why? SORRY, MOM, but I actually don't have a deep desire to go all the way to 40 weeks. If I do, THAT'S NEWBIE'S CALL, but there's nothing in me that "needs" to have a full-term full-term pregnancy. 37 weeks is full-term and CONSIDERING THAT EVERY ONE OF THE 30 POUNDS I HAVE GAINED is centered SOLELY on my tummy, I don't really need the bonus 2 pounds that Newbie would gain between weeks 37-40.

Dudes, I'm not about to be like, "So, it is just SO UNFORTUNATE that I haven't gained weight anywhere else! OMG, poor me! My feet haven't swelled up and my face hasn't gotten fat and my thighs look the same as they did before!" Because ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED WITH KIDDO, so I've BEEN THERE. It happens.

But it's NOT happening with Newbie. Literally all of my weight is centered around her, which means I have THAT STOMACH. And it means that by the end of the day, my body is so exhausted with carrying all that extra weight in one location that I have to support my tummy with a pillow, lie on my side, lean back to spread the weight out. It actually sucks a lot.

Not to mention the fact that I DIDN'T GET THE PREGNANCY BREASTS/BUTT. It's NOT FAIR! Last time I was fillin' out them jeans and had CLEAVAGE for the first time. Dude, I felt like a pregnant goddess. For the first time in my life, I felt FERTILE AND CURVY.

Now?

I look like a corny adolescent who (cue the sing-song) SWALLOWED A WATERMELON.

Ugh. Why do people even SAY that phrase? Like it's POSSIBLE? Or flattering? There was this chick at the thrift store who said it to me, and then told me that she looked exactly the same when she was pregnant, and "I went home from the hospital wearing a mini skirt. All the nurses hated me."

I was like, "Ummmm, A.) I don't even own a mini skirt, B.) I DEF would not be packing it to wear home, and C.) Trying to inspire jealousy in the nurses who brought you Colace and helped change your postpartum pads is JUST CRUEL."

So anyway, my tummy is massive and rocking, literally, all hours of the day since Newbie is A MOVER AND A SHAKER, and I can't wait to meet her. And have her rocking in my arms (as Kiddo says when I ask her, "What do you do with a baby?" and she says, "Hold her and rock her." It's precious. I only create precious children) and TAKE A LOAD OFF!