Wednesday, June 16, 2010

It's the Final Countdown

I'm out of Macro-Hell, and into the final weeks wait for little bambina #2. Which is oddly like Macro-Hell because I have slid back into first-trimester-style nausea in the mornings and before going to bed. I checked with one of the midwives and she said, "Yeah, that will happen sometimes when you got nauseous in your first trimester--it comes back in the third." Raw deal!

I'm in week 35, which was the week that Kiddo was born. I genuinely hope that Newbie does not decide to show up this week, or really next week either, but I can guaran-damn-tee you that if she happens to shoot out those hormones to activate labor ON JUNE 29 (the day I turn 37 weeks), I will not complain.

Why? SORRY, MOM, but I actually don't have a deep desire to go all the way to 40 weeks. If I do, THAT'S NEWBIE'S CALL, but there's nothing in me that "needs" to have a full-term full-term pregnancy. 37 weeks is full-term and CONSIDERING THAT EVERY ONE OF THE 30 POUNDS I HAVE GAINED is centered SOLELY on my tummy, I don't really need the bonus 2 pounds that Newbie would gain between weeks 37-40.

Dudes, I'm not about to be like, "So, it is just SO UNFORTUNATE that I haven't gained weight anywhere else! OMG, poor me! My feet haven't swelled up and my face hasn't gotten fat and my thighs look the same as they did before!" Because ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED WITH KIDDO, so I've BEEN THERE. It happens.

But it's NOT happening with Newbie. Literally all of my weight is centered around her, which means I have THAT STOMACH. And it means that by the end of the day, my body is so exhausted with carrying all that extra weight in one location that I have to support my tummy with a pillow, lie on my side, lean back to spread the weight out. It actually sucks a lot.

Not to mention the fact that I DIDN'T GET THE PREGNANCY BREASTS/BUTT. It's NOT FAIR! Last time I was fillin' out them jeans and had CLEAVAGE for the first time. Dude, I felt like a pregnant goddess. For the first time in my life, I felt FERTILE AND CURVY.


I look like a corny adolescent who (cue the sing-song) SWALLOWED A WATERMELON.

Ugh. Why do people even SAY that phrase? Like it's POSSIBLE? Or flattering? There was this chick at the thrift store who said it to me, and then told me that she looked exactly the same when she was pregnant, and "I went home from the hospital wearing a mini skirt. All the nurses hated me."

I was like, "Ummmm, A.) I don't even own a mini skirt, B.) I DEF would not be packing it to wear home, and C.) Trying to inspire jealousy in the nurses who brought you Colace and helped change your postpartum pads is JUST CRUEL."

So anyway, my tummy is massive and rocking, literally, all hours of the day since Newbie is A MOVER AND A SHAKER, and I can't wait to meet her. And have her rocking in my arms (as Kiddo says when I ask her, "What do you do with a baby?" and she says, "Hold her and rock her." It's precious. I only create precious children) and TAKE A LOAD OFF!

1 comment:

Grace said...

YAY! A NEW BLOG! I swear you don't look like a preggers teen...but I can understand how all the weight in the belly would be uncomfortable (even if you'll look fab post-pregnancy). Your last paragraph is adorable. Nothing but love for you and your fam!